


even if you pretend it’s not (i know you know)

by cataIyst



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, cheeky guanlin, confused jihoon, jihoon making a part of this fic canon aka I Am Crying, this is me exposing how whipped i am for guanlin through jihoon's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-29 22:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11450724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cataIyst/pseuds/cataIyst
Summary: Jihoon cursed his heart for beating so fast and tried to convince himself that it’s because of the amount of frustration he went through within a short period of time and definitely not because Guanlin looked achingly beautiful with his messy hair and bare face and the sunlight kissing his smooth pale skin.Or, alternatively, the four times Guanlin asked for a kiss and the one time Jihoon did.





	even if you pretend it’s not (i know you know)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [impractical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/impractical/gifts).



> for the wink to my pan; my one and only bean.

**one.**

Jihoon doesn’t really know what’s going on. All he knows is that his feet are carrying him up the stairs to the blue couch with the huge golden number two printed on it and that he’s being attacked by the other trainees with hugs and overly excited “ _Congratulations!_ ”

“Jihoon hyung!” A deep voice yelled, catching HIS attention. His eyes fall on the tall boy in front of him who was wearing a smile so big his dimples were on full display. Before he could even form a reply, the said boy has already engulfed him in a bear hug, slightly shaking him from side to side.

“You did it, hyung! We’re going to debut together!” Guanlin gushed into his ear. Only then did everything fall into place for Jihoon – it’s the final elimination; he was part of the top 11. _He made it_.

Suddenly, all the lights in the studio came flooding into his senses. The fans’ cheers hitting his ears like waves crashing on the shore. He could feel his heart soar from all the emotions he was experiencing. It was overwhelming, so much that tears started to gather in his eyes. But, the warmth radiating from the boy hugging him served as his anchor, keeping him from breaking down there and then in front of hundreds of people.

“Y-yes.” Jihoon shakily replied. “Oh my gosh. We really made it.”

“I told you we would! You lost the bet. Now, pay up.” The younger smirked, a mischievous spark glinting in his eyes.

Jihoon frowned , confused as to what the boy was saying. Then, he remembers. _That_ bet. That stupid bet he agreed on weeks ago because he was bored and starting to doubt himself. He gawked, shaking his head. “Right now?! There are so many people watching!”

“We made a deal! Loser gets to kiss the winner on his cheek!” Guanlin whined. “Just one, hyung! If you make it fast enough, no one would notice.”

The older boy hesitates. He knows a deal is a deal but couldn’t they do this later? When the broadcast is over? He doesn’t want to kiss Guanlin in front of everyone. Not that he’s uncomfortable doing so (He gave cheek kisses to the other trainees before, being a huge fan of skinship, but not to the younger. He never had the guts to, the unexplained butterflies in his stomach always hindering him.), he’s just shy considering all the eyes on them. So, he shakes his head, ready to say no to the boy. But, as his gaze lands on Guanlin who wore a smile so beautiful and so bright, the lights around them suddenly looked dim in comparison, Jihoon finds his resolve breaking.

“Alright, alright!” He agreed, beckoning for the taller to lean down so he could finally kiss him. His lips find its place on Guanlin’s cheek, lingering there for only a second before he completely turns around and heads to his chair.

“See! Fast and unnoticed!” The younger yells after him.

But, boy was he wrong, Jihoon thinks as he scrolls through Naver later that night and seeing all the posts about him kissing Guanlin.

**two.**

There are two things Jihoon hates the most: waking up at the asscrack of dawn and being tasked to wake up other members. Sometimes, he hates the latter more. Especially, if the said member is a certain Lai Guanlin.

Don’t get him wrong. He loves seeing their maknae looking all soft and peaceful drowning in his own sea of pillows with soft snores coming out of slightly parted lips. But, early mornings make Jihoon grumpier than usual and the fact that Guanlin could probably sleep through a whole earthquake doesn’t help.

Nevertheless, he still trudges to the younger’s room after having been asked by Jisung so that they could all eat breakfast then go to a schedule they had. Not without pouting, though.

Upon entering, he was greeted by the sight of the boy cuddling his favourite slightly worn out pillow (“ _I’ve had it since I was 10, okay? You can’t expect me not to get attached to it, hyung.”_ ) and wrapped in his polka dotted blanket looking like a giant burrito. Jihoon will never say it out loud but he could feel his insides warm up from the adorableness of the sight and he may or may have not internally cooed.

“Guanlinnie, it’s time to wake up. We have to leave by 8 am.” The older said, slightly shaking the sleeping boy. A hum answers him.

“Guanlin-ah. Come on. Jisung hyung might get mad if you don’t start preparing.” Jihoon warned but the younger only stirs, completely ignoring the other.

“Guanlin, stop making this so hard. Get up before I— oh!” A gasp escapes his lips when he was pulled from the side of the bed to on top of it, chest to chest with the stubborn boy who owns it. He scurries to stand up but long arms find their way around his waist, stopping him from doing so.

“You’re too loud and it’s too early, hyung.” Guanlin grunts from beneath him, voice still thick with sleep. “Just shush and lay down with me for a while, yeah?”

The older huffed, trying not to be distracted by the warm puffs of air tickling his neck and by the hand softly pressing against his back. “I told you, we have a schedule. The managers are going to get pissed off if we don’t make it on time.”

“I said it’s too early. I need more sleep. More cuddles.” Guanlin mumbled, hugging the other even tighter.

“I would love to sleep too but we don’t have time for that. So, get up, you big baby.”

He hears a sigh before being freed from the grasp of the younger. Jihoon ignored the feeling of disappointment boiling in his stomach from losing contact with the other and instead focuses his attention on getting up without putting too much weight on the boy under him.

“Fine. I will. But, in one condition.” Guanlin said, eyes still closed but a smug smile plastered on his lips.

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

Jihoon gaped, struggling to contain the blush threatening to flood his cheeks.

“Come on, hyung. Time’s ticking. We don’t want to be late, right?” The maknae’s teasing voice succeeding in making Jihoon’s attempts miserably fail.

“Okay, fine. Here’s your kiss!” He cried as he closed his eyes and leaned down, lightly pressing his lips against the younger’s forehead.

When Jihoon stood up straight, Guanlin’s eyes were finally open and they were so bright, the older was convinced it was night time again and what he was seeing were stars. He cursed his heart for beating so fast and tried to convince himself that it’s because of the amount of frustration he went through within a short period of time and definitely not because Guanlin looked achingly beautiful with his messy hair and bare face and the sunlight kissing his smooth pale skin.

“Good morning, hyungie.” The younger smiled and Jihoon felt himself fail yet again.

**three.**

It’s been a month since Jihoon was announced to be one of the eleven trainees who will become part of Wanna One and they only have weeks before their official debut. The pressure and fatigue are now taking their toll on all the members. Anyone could sense it, even the staff around them. His hyungs who were usually carefree are now, more often than not, tensed and worked up. The maknae line, too, who were previously playful and always joking with each other are uncharacteristically serious and quiet.

Not wanting to cause anymore stress to the others, he makes an effort to always do his best at practices.  But, things don’t always go your way and he realizes this during their dance practice where he couldn’t get even a single step right. It’s either his moves are a beat late or he’s losing his sense of balance and tripping over thin air, receiving worried glances from his other members. Before he knows it, the music in the practice room was turned off and their choreographer tells him something along the lines of “getting himself together” and “stop screwing up”. Jihoon doesn’t fully understand, though; too busy drowning in guilt and disappointment. He only mindlessly nods.

Fast forward to several hours later and the others were all gone, probably already in their dorm and getting the rest they fully deserved. But Jihoon remained in the practice room, playing his favourite songs on the speaker so loud, he’s sure his eardrums would be damaged after all these. He couldn’t care less, though. He just wants to get everything off his mind. So, he remains unbothered, leaning against the mirror of the room with eyes closed, that he doesn’t notice another person entering the room. Not until they turn off the music and let the dreaded silence envelope the room.

Jihoon grudgingly opens his eyes, ready to give the person who disturbed him a piece of his mind. But the sight of Guanlin wearing a slightly confused but mainly upset frown erased all the mean words in his mind, only leaving a heavy weight inside him. _(Still so soft, always so soft for the lanky young man.)_

“Hyung, why are you still here? The others are worrying about you. It’s already midnight.”

“I just need some time alone, Guanlin. You can go and tell them I’m here. I’ll go back when I feel like it.” Jihoon shrugs, closing his eyes once again. He hears footsteps and just seconds later, he feels hands wrap around his own, trying to pull him up.

“No, let’s go home together. You can stay in your room and be alone there. Not here. You need some rest.” Guanlin insisted but the older just shook off the hand holding unto him.

“I can handle myself! Just go.” He snapped, finally letting his stress take the best of him.

A long moment of silence passes by. Guanlin must’ve followed his order, Jihoon thinks. Wanting to make sure, he takes a glance.

 To his surprise, the younger was still there – sitting in front of him, cheek resting on his hand and staring at him with dark eyes that felt as if they were peering into his mind.

“I thought I told you to go.” Jihoon ran his hands through his hair, looking everywhere but the boy in front of him.

“You really think I’d leave you alone here?”

“I hoped so.”

Guanlin rolled his eyes. “Jihoonie hyung, please tell me what’s wrong. I might be able to help.”

The boy in question opted to sigh instead of answering, eyes falling downwards and hands nervously playing with the hem of his shorts.

“Is this because of earlier?”

A small nod.

“Hyung,” Guanlin softly started. “Listen, okay?”

Another nod.

“Ever since the first day we met, you were already great. Not only as a person but also as a performer. I remember being in awe and thinking that you were completely and a hundred-percent idol material. Up until now that we’re about to debut, I still think the same thing, and so does the others, even if you make mistakes. Because, hyung, that’s normal. It doesn’t make you any less talented nor does it make you a burden to our group. So, please, stop being so hard on yourself. It’s not good and it makes me sad to see you all down and upset. In fact, I brought you your favourite strawberry milk drink just to cheer you up. It’s somewhere in my–” The younger’s rambling was cut off by Jihoon throwing himself on him, arms wrapping around his shoulders and head buried on his neck.

“Thank you.” The older murmured. “I’m sorry for worrying you and the others. And that I snapped at you. Today was just hard.”

Guanlin smiled, tightening his hold on the other. “It’s okay, hyung. Just please don’t do it again. If you need someone to talk to, just tell me. I may not be a good speaker but I’ll always do my best for you.”

“Okay, I promise. Let’s go home?” Jihoon said, standing up and helping the other to do the same.

“Yeah but first, don’t you think you’re forgetting something? A kiss, maybe? After all, I gave a very good speech.” Guanlin smirked, rising up to his full height.

“More like a very good word vomit.” The older jokingly retorted.

“Excuse you! That was a spee–“

“But fine! Only because you actually put some effort on it.” Jihoon teased, slightly tip-toeing to reach the other’s cheek and planting a soft kiss there, removing the pout from Guanlin’s lips.

The taller boy hums contentedly and reached for the shorter boy’s hand. “Let’s go?”

“Let’s.” Jihoon intertwined his hands with the other, the heavy weight on his chest replaced by a fluttering one.

**four.**

“Hyung? Woojin hyung asked if you wanted to get some ice cream with him and Daehwi. I think Jinyoung hyung is also tagging along. Since, you know, Daehwi is coming and wherever Daehwi is, there also is– Jihoon hyung, are you even listening?”

“Huh? Oh, what were you saying? I’m sorry. This movie is just too good.” Jihoon said, removing his eyes from the TV screen and looking at Guanlin who’s standing in the doorway for a second before returning his gaze to the screen.

“I asked if you wanted to go get ice–“ The younger repeats only to be once again cut off by Jihoon letting out a scream as the main character in the movie almost gets killed by some sort of monster.

“Oh my god. That was close.” The older breathed out. “Can you repeat that again?”

Guanlin sighed, walking into the room. He snatched the remote control from the bedside table and turned off the TV, earning a scandalized gasp from the older.

“Why did you turn it off?! It’s almost the climax of the movie!” Jihoon cried, standing up from the laying position he was in and pointing accusingly at the other boy.

“You weren’t paying attention to me. I repeated myself for like a hundred times already!” Guanlin countered, crossing his arms on his chest and Jihoon can’t help but think that he resembles a pouty baby. He almost forgets his irritation, a grin threatening to form on his lips because of how cute the other is but he bites his lips to stop it from doing so.

So, he huffs in response instead. “You know how much I hate being disturbed when I’m watching something.”

“I do but still!” The younger pouted even more and Jihoon just lost it. A pouting Guanlin is too much for his weak heart.

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry. I won’t ignore you again. Now, tell me what you were saying earlier.” He chuckled.

Guanlin playfully rolled his eyes. “I said if you wanted to get ice cream with Woojin hyung, Daehwi and Jinyoung hyung.”

“Hm. I think I’ll pass. I’m too lazy to go outside.” Jihoon thinks for a second before answering. “Are you going?”

“Not anymore since you’re not.” Guanlin nonchalantly shrugged, plopping down on Jihoon’s bed and pulling the older with him so that they end up lying beside each other with the younger’s arm encircling the other’s waist.

Jihoon feels a warm fuzzy sensation inside him as Guanlin snuggles on his neck but he ignores it, like he always does. “Won’t they look for you?”

“Nah. I told them that I wouldn’t come if you wouldn’t.” The younger said, lips brushing against the vein on Jihoon’s neck.

“Oh, uhm, okay. S-so, can I continue watching the movie now?” The older cursed himself for stuttering. Why did he even stutter?

“Nah. I don’t want you to ignore me again. Talk to me instead.”

“Oh, come on!” Jihoon whined, breaking free from the other’s grasp to sit up. “I won’t ignore you, I promise. Let me just finish the movie then we can talk about everything you want to.”

The other scoffed, sitting up as well and holding the remote control even more firmly in his hand, just in case Jihoon tries to steal it. And, he’s glad he did because the older did attempt to do so. Luckily for him, his limbs are long. Long enough to keep the remote out of the shorter boy’s reach.

“Don’t be so hard, Guanlin. Just give me the remote!” Jihoon said, struggling to get hold of the device but to no avail. Screw the heavens for depriving him in the height department.

“Nope. Reach it if you can, you shorty!” The younger laughed, putting the remote above his head while gently pushing the older’s shoulder.

Maybe it’s from the adrenaline or from getting called short but Jihoon impulsively shoved Guanlin so hard that the latter fell of the bed, hitting his head on the bedside table in the course of his fall. A minute of silence passed by as the taller of the two laid on the floor, limbs sprawled, eyes wide and trying to process what just happened.

The next minute, a groan escapes Guanlin’s lips as the pain finally sets on him. And that’s all it took for Jihoon to rush down the bed and kneel beside the younger, apologies flowing nonstop from his mouth.

“Oh, crap. Guanlin, I’m so sorry. Oh no, are you okay? Are you bleeding? Do you have any scars or bruises? Oh my god, please don’t punch me.” He panicked, cradling the boy’s head between his hands and trying to see if any sort of damage has been done. Jihoon swears he’s about to get hit because of his stupid recklessness and he already grieves over the loss of his deeply cherished relationship with Guanlin. But, the younger only laughs, putting his palm on top of Jihoon’s and successfully stopping him from gushing and panicking.

“I’m not bleeding. I don’t have any scars. And, I definitely will not punch you. What are you even saying?” Guanlin laughed, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

Jihoon breathed out a sigh of relief, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. I just got carried away. You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure. I think I just have a forming lump on my head.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry. Do you need ice? I’ll get you ice. Wait he–”

“Hyung, calm down.” Guanlin chuckled. “I don’t need ice. A kiss, maybe, yes.”

Jihoon heaved a sigh, running his hands down his face. “I can’t believe you. You have a huge ass lump and you’re asking for a kiss!”

“Well, why not? It’s the most you could do after pushing me off the bed.” The younger shrugged.

“Okay, fine. Don’t guilt trip me.” Jihoon pouted, holding Guanlin’s face in between his hands and pressing a kiss in between the boy’s eyebrows.

“Oh my god.” A voice gasped from the doorway, making Jihoon break away from the other boy in a hurry.

“Daehwi, crap. You surprised me.” He breathed out, pressing a hand against his heart. “I thought you were out to get ice cream with the others.”

“We were supposed to! But, Guanlin, there, didn’t return after saying he would ask you if you wanted to come so I came here to check only to see you both like that. And, all I have to say is that I knew it. Okay, I’m off, bye! Enjoy!” Daehwi gave them two thumbs up before shutting the door and leaving.

“He knew it? What did he know? I don’t understand.” Jihoon mumbled. His wondering was interrupted when he felt a head rest on his shoulder. He turns and looks at the boy who’s close, _too close_ , to his face.

“What do you say to watching that movie now, hyung?” Guanlin beamed, eyes sparkling and dimple showing.

Jihoon feels his chest flutter once again. He needs to visit a cardiologist soon, he decides.

 **five**.

Guanlin loves stars and the night sky. This is one of the many things Jihoon learns after living with him for a year and several months.

He accidentally discovers this certain fact about the boy when he got down from his room in the middle of night to get water from the kitchen, just to see the door to their balcony open with a familiar figure sitting on it. He remembers approaching the younger, asking him what he was doing awake at such a late time, but only getting a shrug as an answer.

“Would you like to accompany me, hyung?” Guanlin asked, already opening his arms for the older to come into. And, of course, Jihoon complies. He always does when it comes to that boy.

Somehow, it became a routine. They don’t have a specific schedule nor do they plan it. It just happens. Guanlin would knock on Jihoon’s door, carrying his blanket and a pillow, and Jihoon, already prepared with two mugs of warm chocolate, would follow him into the balcony. There, they’d sit staring at the stars until they fall asleep, until the sun rises and until the other members find them – Guanlin leaning against the railing with Jihoon in his arms, both peacefully asleep.

Other nights, they don’t sleep at all. And, tonight is one of those.

There is something different tonight, Jihoon observes.  Actually, scratch that. There’s something different this past week with him and Guanlin, mostly him. To say that the he is confused would be the understatement of the year. He is downright perplexed. He doesn’t know why but whenever he sees the other, his heart clenches. Not in the “it-hurts-I-think-I’m-about-to-die” way but in the “what-is-this-tender-feeling” way. He knows he’s felt this several times before but this week, it occurs too often, way too often. He also doesn’t get why he, an avid lover of skinship, blushes whenever Guanlin’s hand brushes against him. Or why he gets this urge to protect and bombard the younger with adoration every time they pass by each other and that’s a lot of time. Jihoon is just so puzzled and so tired.

This is why he is left with no other choice but to avoid Guanlin just so he wouldn’t have to go through it. But, it’s either the younger hates him and wants him to suffer or is just painfully oblivious to his problem that he still keeps on following Jihoon.

The older already has a plan: fall asleep early and not answer Guanlin’s knocks on his door so that he wouldn’t have to spend the whole night being awkward and bashful beside the younger. But, the world is against him. Guanlin unexpectedly comes earlier than usual to his room, looking cuter than usual with his chick designed shirt, and Jihoon’s mouth suddenly decides to have its own brain and agrees to go with the younger to the balcony.

Now, here he is. Unusually quiet and obviously steering clear of any kind of physical contact with the other. If Guanlin notices it, he doesn’t say anything which Jihoon is very thankful for because he is not planning to say “I’m avoiding you because you make my insides warm and I’m confused as hell” when he’s confronted by the other. The younger remains leaning against the railing, gaze never leaving the stars. So, Jihoon takes this opportunity to look at him, seeking for answers and hoping to find it.

He studies the other’s face, not leaving a single territory unexamined. His eyes ran over the boy’s perfectly shaped eyebrows, his dark sparkling eyes that he’s gotten so fond of looking at, his long eyelashes that tickles Jihoon’s cheek whenever the boy snuggles against him, his tall nose that the older loves booping only to see the younger scrunch it, his cheeks that he loves pinching, and his lips – his pink plump lips that Jihoon would love to plant a kiss on.

_Wait._

Jihoon’s eyes widen. Did he just think about kissing his friend? His fellow member? Their maknae? He shakes his head, trying to remove the thought from his head. But, he can’t. Because, suddenly, it’s the best idea he’s ever had throughout the 18 years of his life. Kissing Lai Guanlin on his lips and not just on his cheeks would be amazing, he thinks.

And, everything clicks.

“I like you.” Jiihoon blurted out, a gasp following his sudden confession.

Guanlin turns his head to the side to look at him. But, instead of the surprise Jihoon expected to see, happiness was written on his face.

“Took you long enough to realize, hyung.”

The older gawked. “W-what? What do you mean?”

“You’re not good at hiding your emotions for others, you know. But, you’re good at being in denial and being unaware of your own feelings. I’ll give you that.” The younger laughs, eyes turning into thin lines.

“You knew?! Even before I did?” The older whisper screamed in fear that he would wake the others up (which he is not planning to do because finding out that your crush knows you like him even before you did is already embarrassing enough and having others watch you lamely confess is on another level of shame).

“Hm.” Guanlin nodded. “To be fair, I like you too.”

Jihoon proceeds to unattractively choke on air.

“What!?”

“Wasn’t it obvious, hyung? I mean, I was already very assertive and clingy. You know I’m not like that to others. And, why would I constantly ask for kisses from you if I didn’t?”

The older exhaled loudly, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe this. I’m so–”

“Stupid and clueless? I agree. I had to suffer for so long waiting for you to realize.” Guanlin chuckled, moving closer to the older boy who’s slowly coming back from his state of shock.

Jihoon lets out another breath, a genuine smile making its way to his lips. “Shut up and just kiss me.”

“Good idea.”

Guanlin leans closer, eyes slowly closing until it fully shots and Jihoon does the same. Not a second later, a pair of plump lips touches his in a soft innocent kiss. He becomes aware of the other’s hands cupping his cheeks and he smiles, feeling his heart clench again but now it’s a welcomed sensation. Something he wouldn’t mid experiencing over and over again.

They break apart after a few more seconds with contented smiles and warm insides.

“You know,” Jihoon said, “kissing you is great. But, I think I prefer getting kissed by you more now.”

“Well, you’re in luck because I’ll be doing this every day until forever now.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was one hell of a fic. i binge wrote this for like two days and it isn't beta-ed at all so sorry if there's any mistake. anyway, thank you. if you got this far without your eyes bleeding, you deserve a star.
> 
> leave your thoughts or canons or anything down below! i love you. until next time. ( ⸝⸝•ᴗ•⸝⸝ )੭⁾⁾
> 
> also: feel free to hmu on twitter. i'm @guanzIins ;u;
> 
> update: jihoon just confirmed that the first part of this fic is canon. guanlin did made him promise that he'll kiss him. brb. i'm deAD. I LOVE PANWINK.


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